a story about life

and if anyone were to know, her picture is not where she is, rather where she’s been.  passing through rapidly gripping onto the poles as she goes, hoping the grip will tighten enough to stop.  this is where she wants to be.  this is where her soul has taken her.  but the rapid thoughts of feeling at home go almost as quickly as the impatient car waiting to go on the highway.  her feelings, quickly uprooted like trees in a tornado, feel like the tender skin feels after a band-aid is ripped off a wound.  it’s better to feel the agony of not being where you belong, than not knowing where she belongs at all.  atleast, that is what she keeps telling herself.  please stop.  let her go.  let her wander through the sidestreets and find herself within her soul.  the abandoned factory buildings sympathize with her.  she’s been abandoned too.  december 2nd, 2007 life came soaring through her like the razor would soon do as well.  starting december 2nd, 2007 she wondered if her life was worth living.  everything she suddenly built her life around didnt matter, because the one thing she ignored was taken away from her.  the deep feelings of regrets and the questions of “what if’s” soon consumed her mind.  the pressure and stress became too much.  opening wounds and letting the blood pour out was a way to let the problems pour out.  the reason, the person, who was the root of why she was doing this was the one who ended up helping her.  he was where she wanted to be.  he was everything to her and she didn’t even realize it.  but he was taken away.  so she cut.  and she cut.  and she cut.  pain of being where she was and not having him was enough that she wouldn’t mind tearing apart her veins and letting the feelings all out.

january 1st, 2008, things weren’t better but she confessed to the root of the occurences.  he understood.  he talked to her.  and even though she didn’t quite have him the way she wished, she had him in a different way.  it was extremely painful but it helped her.  she learned to accept things.  she learned to put away the razor, even though every centimeter of her flesh was yearning for it.  it wasn’t easy but she tried to keep the promise for him.

she eventually “relapsed.”  she eventually told him.  he didn’t show any signs of dissapointment or a loss of trust.  rather, he accepted it.  just like she accepted his new relationship.  his relationship ended.  it was rocky just like her recovery.  the one who took him away from her never really left, but neither did she.  she found a lifelong friend in him who essentially saved her life.

they come from two different parts of society.  everyone said it wouldnt work.  and it didnt work in the way that it was planned to be, atleast not yet.  but it worked in a different way.  the passion will never die, it’s just doormant for now.  and 364 days later, her body still yearns for the razor.  but she resists.  her body essentially still yearns for him.  but they remain close.  they havent had a serious talk in months, but their friendship and trust remains.  this isn’t a love story, but a story about self discovery.  a story about crossroads.  a story about life.